Trains
by bikelock28
Summary: "This sounds unbelievably lame, but whatever you're feeling is okay to be feeling, because you're feeling it," "I don't think it's about what I'm feeling though," he replies breathlessly, "It's about how my Mom and Dad are divorced and they're not going to get back together and they didn't even tell me," Ted and Robin deal with his parents' divorce, post 2.03 Brunch. One- shot.


**Ted and Robin deal with his parents' divorce, post-2.03 ****_Brunch. _****I don't own HIMYM or song lyrics.**

Trains

He calls off sex that night but she goes to bed with him, head on his chest while he absently strokes her hair and stares up at the ceiling. It hurts- hurts that his Mom and Dad have split up; hurts that they didn't tell him; hurts that all those happy memories of them as a family might have been a lie.

"I wish this hadn't happened," he says into the darkness.

"I know," There's nothing else to say- even if there was she doesn't think she'd know what it is.

"I hate this," he says in a harder voice, "I hate this. It makes me…" he cuts off, drumming his fingers on her shoulder.

"I know. It's okay to feel disappointed or angry or sad or whatever," she puts in, hoping that those words sound more comforting to him than they do to her own ears.

"Yeah, I feel all of those things. You know when you did something bad at school, and you knew a teacher was going to find out and you'd get in trouble, but there was nothing you could do to stop them finding out, and you felt disappointed and scared and uncomfortable?…weirdly, it's like that feeling,"

"This sounds unbelievably lame," she says, glad that with her head on his chest she doesn't have to look him in the eye, "But whatever you're feeling is okay to be feeling, because you're feeling it,"

"I don't think it's about what I'm feeling though," he says breathlessly, "It's about how my Mom and Dad are divorced and they're not going to get back together and they didn't even tell me for two years. I wish I could think, 'Nah, it's a rough patch, they'll work it out,'- but it's the real world so they won't, they won't, and they're split up forever. It's like they've betrayed me, because they…" he sits up, struggling to verbalise- "They've betrayed me by getting divorced, and they betrayed me by not telling me,"

She puts am arm around him, "I'm really sorry, Ted,"

"They seemed happy! We were a regular normal family and now that might all have been them pretending to be happy when they weren't. It's like they're telling me my life's been a lie,"

"No it wasn't. Don't tell yourself that. They _were _happy then, all those times that you thought they were happy. It's just that they…" Jesus, she knows she's no good at this, "They drifted apart as they got older,"

"And I'm angry at them for drifting apart! Parents are meant to say together," he swallows and says before he thinks about it, "Parents splitting up is stuff that happens to other people like you and Lily and Barney, and it doesn't happen to me. I know that sounds unfair but that's what it feels like, like that sort of thing didn't happen to my family. We were fine. We were _happy. _We were an ordinary, totally nuclear family- and now that's over. There's never going to be Mom, Dad, Ted, Heather again- only bits of us. That sucks. That really, really sucks. They let me down,"

"You're still a four," she says, "You know that your parents are still friends so you can still be Mom, Dad, Ted, Heather. I know it's not the same but a family doesn't just end,"

He jumps out of bed suddenly, "They're _old. _They've been married for thirty years, I mean- what's even the point of getting divorced after that long? If they wanted to do it, they could have done it ages ago,"

"People change,"

"But not them! _Other people's_ parents change, and even then it's when you're a kid, not when you're twenty-eight. I thought my Mom and Dad were alright. They said today they were too different for each other, but they never seemed different, or at least not different enough to be wrong together. And now- _now- _they decide to break up? I mean- two years ago," he takes a breath and tries to explain, "I mean -it doesn't make sense to me that they split up in their fifties. People get divorced young, or not at all- I know that sounds stupid but that's what I always…I wasn't dumb enough to believe that but that's how it seemed that things go. So I'm mad about that, and I'm mad that they didn't tell me, for two years! I've been back home- to Cleveland- like five times in the last two years, and they've just been…acting? How long did they plan to keep it up? It's crazy!"

"Which one are you more angry about- them divorcing or not telling you?"- she reckons that this compartmentalising is a good thing.

"Good question," he says tersely, running a hand through his dark hair, "I'm mad at them for both. Um…I think the divorce the most, because that feels like they've been lying to my whole life, whereas when they didn't tell me they've only been lying to me for two years. God, it sounds horrible when you say it like that,"

"They weren't lying to you for your whole life, Ted. They weren't. They were a really great family when you and your sister were little, but when you two had left and they'd got older they…they wanted different things for that time in their lives," (she's half-making this up, but she knows that he likes explanations and talking things through and rationalising, so she hopes this works), "And- I'm not excusing them for not telling you, that wasn't fair- but they probably thought it was right,"

"Well it wasn't! It was the Goddamn wrong thing to do!" he cries, gesticulating wildly with his hands, "They don't- they don't tell_ anybody _anything! It drives me _mad! _And I mean...how stupid can you- this is so unfair!"

He looks like he's ready to kick something, then stops abruptly and sits down on the bed.

"I'm sorry. Sorry, I shouldn't get angry,"

"Of course you should be angry. Go break something if you have to,"

He laughs coldly, "No. No, it's okay,"

He puts his legs back under the covers and shuffles close to her again.

"Tell me; was it like this when your parents broke up?"

She knew he'd ask and she's not going to avoid answering.

"Did I feel like you do now? Yes and no. I never really saw them fight; I think most of the fighting was when me and my sister were in bed, but I could tell they weren't happy. I was only six or something when my Mom moved out, so I didn't understand… when I saw her she seemed happier though, and that made me feel better,"

He nods thoughtfully then says in a small voice, "I don't want my Mom to be happier without my Dad,"

She puts her arm around him again.

"Mom and Dad are Mom and Dad. You're not meant to think of them being apart,"

"Ted," she says into his shoulder, "It'll be okay,"

His dark eyes look earnestly at her. If she believed that a look could melt your heart, it'd be that look which did it.

"You think so?"

"Of course. You've got an awesome job and a great future, and a smokin' hot Canadian girlfriend," he smiles a small smile, and she adds, "Eh?"

He laughs quietly. "Yeah. I just never thought I'd be the child of divorce,"

"Yeah, and no offence but you got it at the worst time," she chips in, trying to keep making him laugh, "At least Lily and I got double presents when we were kids!"

"Ha, yeah. Barney must've got loads from all those guys his Mom hung round with,"

"The ones he thinks came to 'fix the boiler' or something," she adds, "He thinks he's so world-wise but he's really only a naive kid,"

"I'd like to agree, but as his Laser Tag partner I'm not in a position to comment,"

They fall about laughing on the bed- both laughing louder and longer and harder than usual because she's trying to keep him cheerful, and he's trying to catch it off her- something clicks in his mind and he stops laughing abruptly, "I- I just remembered something…. it's gonna sound so random,"

"Ted, I do news stories about cats which can sneeze the Moonlight Sonata. I'm used to random,"

He settles onto his back again and begins, "Well, the thought process was Barney; blond; _Blonde on Blonde_ which is my favourite Dylan album. My dad's was _Highway 61 Revisited_, and to convince me that he was right- this is in one of our very few non-baseball conversations- he'd make me listen to _It Takes A Lot To Laugh,_ _It Takes A Train To Cry_. And he'd be like, 'See, Ted, it's beautiful!' and Mom would hum along to what little tune there is in that song and- I don't know…it- at the time it never felt like some beautiful family moment of love or something, it just felt like I was arguing with my Dad about music. But now…now I look back it seems really nice. And I don't think it's ever going to happen again," he concludes in a small voice.

She can't think of anything to tell him so she puts her head back on his chest.

"_Now the wintertime is coming, the windows filled with frost," _he recites, putting his arm around her, "I think there's another couple of lines between, but it ends- _don't say I never warned you when your train gets lost_,"

"You'll be fine Ted. You'll be more than fine- you'll be awesome," she tells him again.

"'Kay," he closes his eyes and murmurs sleepily, "_Don't say I never warned you, when your train gets lost_,"

**Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. Whatever you though,** **please review to let me know what you thought of this story. Have a happy day. **


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